Responding vs. Reacting - Part 1
Hey, welcome back!
One of the hardest things in the world to do is to respond to your teen as they are throwing an attitude instead of reacting to them.
What’s the difference? Well, reacting is based on emotion which we all know is rampant when dealing with a teenager. There are many verses in the Bible that talk about controlling our emotions, and even in the Proverbs, there is high praise for those who control their anger, "Whoever is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city" (Proverbs 16:32, emphasis added).
The better alternative is to respond, that is when we step back from the emotion and take a moment to think through what is really going on. Like I said, it’s not easy! That's not to say emotions are bad, even Jesus reacted with emotion (just read John 11:33-36 for example), but there's a difference between emotional reactions shared with grown adults and emotional reactions expressed from parents to their kids, and WHY they are being expressed, to begin with.
Parents, the secret is out. The map to your “buttons” has been published, and your teen will push them. Repeatedly. But we do our own share of pushing, don’t we? You know what makes your teenager crazy and sometimes, just sometimes, it feels really good to give them a good share of their own medicine. At least for a moment, until we realize we have done exactly what we are trying to teach them NOT to do! Two steps forward, one step back! Just keep moving forward.
Please take a moment to watch this video:
https://vimeo.com/parentministry/review/69754670/788bdfbc13
Responding vs. Reacting - Part 2
Hey there!
Now that you have had a chance to watch the video (Respond vs React), let’s take one more breath.
Reacting is easy, responding isn’t. Responding shows your teen that you love them enough to stop for a moment and make sure what you are saying or doing is based on truth and not emotional upset. Reacting can be a really selfish act. We want to get our point across at all costs. Sometimes the cost is just a little too high. It can cost the trust our teens have in us. It can cost the time it takes to rebuild that trust in our relationship.
This is big and it can be a deal breaker. Can your teen trust that you will respond and not react to any given situation. Because there are lots and lots of situations!
Paul writes:
"'don’t sin by letting anger control you.' Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior" (Ephesians 4:26-31 NLT).
Have the courage to ask your teen if you respond or react and then give them permission to tell you how they wish you would handle these situations. It takes a brave and humble parent to realize that before we can teach our teens this concept, we need to learn it for ourselves!
see you next month!